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A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra sticky kind. Written in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week!"
GP letter to a Consultant Radiologist :-
Re: John Smith. This 57-year-old builder is requesting a CT scan on his lumbar
spine to be performed on a private fee-paying basis. Mr Smith is a malcontent
of the first order and holds a very warped view of life in general.
I see no harm in acceding to his request although he expresses his contempt for
orthopaedic surgeons, chiropractors, osteopaths, acupuncturists and, not least,
GPs, so you might as well join the list.
A 35-year-old male was transported to our A+E
The patient presented to his physician's office complaining of decreased
appetite, restlessness, and confusion over the prior three days. The man stated
that he had been working under the hood of his car and had leaned on the
battery, causing an arc and sending him crashing to the ground, striking the
back of his head.
The man returned home that day to his wife, telling her of the accident. The
man's wife noted an "abrasion" to the back of his skull, and cleaned the
wound. However, over the next three days, the man became increasingly confused,
anorexic, and at times agitated.
The man's physician deemed it necessary to obtain a CT and further evaluation,
and ordered transport to the ED. On arrival to the department, the ER physician
ordered the CT of the brain, concluding that perhaps the patient had suffered a
brain injury secondary to the reported mechanism of injury - falling and
striking the back of his head. As the patients primary nurse, I went to fetch
the patient from CT.
I asked the CT technician, who was noticeably worried, for a preliminary
reading. "There is a bullet in his brain." Incredulous, I returned the patient
to the ED with the news, and the definitive reading came minutes later - foreign
body located between the hemispheres, likely a bullet.
Apparently, the man had not been arced by the battery, but had been shot in the
back of the head with a 9mm handgun, and was not aware of this fact! The
patient was admitted to ICU, but no surgery was performed - the neurosurgeon
felt that the procedure was too risky.
He survived and was discharged (curiously, in police custody) 10 days later.
The paper reports that every Friday over a period of months a couple of years
ago, hospital staff found the patient occupying a certain bed in intensive care
lying dead with no apparent cause. At first it seemed coincidental. Then
doctors feared a 'killer disease'.
Deaths continued.
Finally, a nurse noticed the Friday cleaning lady doing her weekly chores. This
maid would enter the ward, unplug the life-support system beside the bed, plug
in her floor polisher, clean the ward, and once again plug in the patient,
leaving no trace of the cause of the patient's death.
An old lady dialled 999 after falling over in her house at Iffley,
Oxfordshire. She didn‘t wake the other members of the family.
As the ambulancemen were carrying her out of the front door on a stretcher, her
son roused from his slumbers by the noise staggered onto the landing, panicked
at the sight of strange men in his home, and tripped all the way downstairs,
knocking himself out.
His wife came rushing out of the bedroom to see what was wrong.
Observing her husband lying on the hall floor, she promptly fainted and fell
downstairs herself.
The paramedics now had THREE casualties to take to A&E instead of one.
The tally rapidly became four when the family dog rampaged furiously into the
hall, and inflicted an indignant bite on the bottom of one of the ambulancemen.
A spokesman for the Oxford Ambulance Service said: It was quite a night,
actually!
A very pretty Swedish medical student was admitted to the medical wards suffering from pneumonia.
During the Professorial ward round the Houseman was asked to inspect the lady's chest for abnormal breath sounds.
Having just come out of his final exam and remembering that one had to examine the chest free from clothes, he sheepishly asked the patient-medical student to undress and examined her with his stethoscope.
All was going well until he noted that everybody was in hysterics and the
Swedish medical student asked him if he might wish to listen to her lungs again,
but this time with the stethoscope in his ears.
A former radiologist from Northern Ireland tells that years ago, kitted up in
leaden apron and gloves, he was conducting a radiographic examination of a
woman's abdomen.
Finding that her clothing was causing some opacity on the fluorescent screen, he
remarked: "Would you pull down your knickers, please?"
The patient did nothing so he repeated the request. He then heard her say: "I'm
so sorry, doctor. I thought you were talking to the nurse."
updated - 14 August 2004
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